Caught in possession of FTD – Objets d’alan

Wish in a bottle Stuff, possessions, belongings, things – shiny objects.

Clothes, jewelry, books, papers. Treasured pictures of a lifelong hero.

Stupid stuff like a tatty old messenger bag.

A Target tee shirt – no value but one of the last things he wore.

No intrinsic value.

What has value now?

Family – children, grandchildren, brothers and sisters.

Friends – old and new.

But the Target tee-shirt – why can’t I throw it away? I bought it long after his diagnosis, there are no really good associated memories. It’s washed-out, shabby and smells of the last Care Center he was in. Doesn’t even smell of him. It was in a drawer, washed and folded.  Clean. It ended up in the box of belongings I brought home.

One thing I have never been able to find since he moved out to residential care has been his wedding ring. He wore it on a chain around his neck for years. But in the middle stages of his illness, while still at home, he would roll it off over his head if it was irritating him.

He would hand it to me with a grunt as if to say“Here, take care of this”. So I did, I treasured it. If he handed it to me while we are out, I would put it into my handbag. Then when we got home, I would transfer it to the jewelry box for safe keeping until he asked for it back.

Once I got home from work to find all my handbags (and I have many) strewn across the room. I asked what happened and he could not tell me.

I eventually got that he was looking for something (after a long game of Charades) and by a sequence of elimination, I realized what it was. The ring.

I took it out of the jewelry box and handed it to him.

That was the last time I ever saw it.

In the day-to-day melee that followed, I never noticed that eventually he was not wearing it any more. It was only when I sorted his things out after I had moved him into a facility that I realized I hadn’t seen it for ages. I felt so bad about it. Still do.

Wish I could find it. I keep hoping it will turn up someday.

I have no idea how that will happen since I have moved house and downsized pretty much everything since then.

wishng ring 2

  ……just wish I could find it.

3 thoughts on “Caught in possession of FTD – Objets d’alan

  1. Unless something unforseen happens, unrelated to his FTD, it is probable that my husband has a few more years of life left, if I take into account the lifespans of other people with the disorder. However, I cannot stop my mind considering the future and how I will react to widowhood. It is therefore with some interest that I have read your most recent blog. Thank you, Deborah, for sharing your very precious thoughts with us. I hope that the wedding ring appears one day. My husband (for his personal reasons) never had one which I always felt sad about but it means one less item to consider. Currently the house is full of hoarded tat so much will go willingly!


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